The Zen Stones at the End of the Cave

Smile was all over my face. I couldn’t decide what book to buy for you. I thought that the two books are good for you to read. I tried looking for a third option. But I ended up buying three books. After paying for the three paperbacks, I added the wrapped books inside the eco-bag with food items. A small bag of goodies that I plan to bring with me on my surprise visit to you.

I sent you a text message, “I miss you, baby.” Then, I smiled. I tried to find a good restaurant, where I could have a good lunch. Three steps after the massive pillar of a mall, I saw you. Happy. Seated at the corner of a seafoods restaurant. And I saw a man took the seat in front of you, and held your hand. I froze. I did not move. For a minute or two, I just stood where I was. Just looking at your hands. All the rumours have become clearer. All the hearsay about you coloured their surroundings. It was only me who did not want to believe the people who have tried to tell me about you.

When I got home, I headed immediately to my computer to book a flight. The next days challenged me to get up and go to work. All I wanted was to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling. At 2:00 AM in the fourth day of my ordeal, I stood up, packed my bag, and Grabbed to the airport.

When the plane landed, the sky was silently crying, prompting a parade of yellow umbrellas to the arrival hall of Legazpi airport. People were doing a strange chant. I immediately went out of the building and looked for tricycle. I told the driver my destination. We travelled in maze-like narrow streets. I entered in a self-made warp of fantasy and imaginary life. I held your hands so you won’t get cold. I moved you closer to me, eliminating the already-irrelevant space between us in the trike. I held your head closer to my heart.

Everything was halted when a different hand touched my arm. It’s the tricycle driver’s. “Sir, andito na po tayo sa terminal.” I did not notice we had reached our destination. You have also disappeared in a matter of click. The next trip provided me enough time to get into the world of self-made dreams. Birdy and Chris Martin accompanied me through the hour-long trip. That time, you were silent, sleeping on my shoulder. I never considered us as the most perfect couple, but everybody knows, we are the team to beat. Eight years of happiness. Eight years of food, festivals, adventures and off-the-beaten trails. Who would have thought that I would literally be shocked in the most positive way when I saw the magnificence of the Bagan temples? Who would have thought that I jumped just because I couldn’t contain the excitement and happiness seeing the night lanterns in Chiang Mai? Who would have thought that I told you “I love you” while we were having egg-coffee in a café while watching the people around Hoan Kiem Lake in Ha Noi? I arrived in Sorsogon City with red, watery eyes. Another two hours of jeepney-ride to Matnog… and I had high hopes that Angus and Julia Stone could provide the necessary support to keep me in my fabricated world.

The sky was adorned with grey cumulus clouds. The gloomy world enveloped me. But you had disappeared. The music’s not helping. The thought of you, gone forever, came rushing through my sanity, like how the rain pierced through the clarity of our direction. The road played with my feelings. How the ups reminded me how I wanted to punch him in the face. How the downs reminded me how I wanted to hold your hands and ask for explanation. Everything must go, no stops like in the plain course of the road. And one bird banged itself in the forwarding jeepney. It must have been thinking something. Like me.

The town is laid-back. The man at the corner was selling used clothes at very low prices, almost making them free. The bakery still had high layers of different kinds of bread inside its glass cabinets. When I saw the small local restaurant called carinderia, I wondered what kind of viand it has and if it can entice a tourist like me. The shop selling dry goods at the far end of the structure seemed chaotic. And when I turned to my left, I saw a mirror with someone staring at me. He was asking questions on life and love. I just shrugged my shoulder and turned to the other direction. I knew that I was not yet equipped with enough strength to assess what I was going through. Luckily, a big map of the province kept me busy. Waterfalls and beaches made up the map.

Nobody would understand me going to your direction, like braving the waters filled with seaweeds that looked like green plastics. Getting through the pain, as I have always understood, makes you stronger. You do not lose everything in a break-up. Strong waves might rock the boat and coast you, but at the end is a calm sea. I know I can dock safely at a harbour, even with black feelings. Darkness might be ahead and over me, like a cave, but I know, that at the end of the tunnel, there is calmness and enlightenment. I know that in the end, I can peacefully live over my emotions, like how a stone could be placed on top of another stone to form a zen stone. Negative elements will definitely pop up along the way, but I know, I am strong enough to make another journey back to the open sea.

Back to somebody’s loving arms.

Calamianes Playlist

Let me share my playlist when I went on a solo backpacking journey in the Calamianes Group of Islands in northern Palawan, the Philippines.

What You Saw from the Best Seat

At the onset of the second quarter of that year two years from now, everything seemed like a slow-moving rollercoaster. That when the ride turns upside down in one of its tracks, everything on it can fall. The curtains have become as hard as a fake wall. The seats have collected an inch-thick of dusts, including colonies of mites and jumping insects.

When everything was on the course for a last full show, people started to flock down the stairs and appeared from the lit doors. Yes, the play “Love Offering” finally reached its Golden Era. Everybody was smiling. The expression on my face was a hybrid of pain and ecstasy. Tension and pressure built up in my system. I was hesitant to take the centre stage because I have forgotten how to deliver lines with so much fervour. But I regained my inner strength, strode to the centre circle, opened my humanity and sang the first line. Talk about being the lead of a piece of an entertainment.

I delivered all my lines according to the script. I forgot some words, maybe statements and there were times that I stuttered. I thought, it was fine, nonetheless. I am only human, prone to making mistakes. I wore the best clothes, the only set ordered from the finest fabric manufacturers. The lightest and the best shoes adorned my feet. The props on the stage were fabricated by the best architects and engineers. The digital screen was superb and the only of its kind that time. The fireworks and light spectacles spoke of meticulous preparation. The sound engineers assured me that the music and sound effects were of the best quality. With everything in place, I made sure my body, myself, was in the mood to hit the right notes and words.

From where you were seated, everything was perfect. The partnership of music and lines, the sways and hums, complemented everything to make the play the best that the town has ever seen. What you saw from your seat, one of the best seats, was my best performance.

Or maybe my worst? Because you left at the middle of the play. Maybe you got bored. Maybe you expected something. Maybe you expected more dances. Maybe you expected zero mistake. In behalf of the management, I would like to apologise for all the shortcomings. That was my best presence. If you got bored of it, then it is only fitting for you to leave. As for me, I will try to live my life as a has-been.