Without you, there is no life in me.
Yes, I must admit, it has been a year but you are still in my system. I have tried to cleanse my sanity and remove all the residue of our story. But I can still hear your voice in my mind. Memories are still as crisp as a new banknote and the pain of losing you is still like a cut from a newly-sharpened knife. I can still see you in my dreams. I can still feel your embrace. I can still hear you talking to me about anything under the sun. And I am still here, waiting for you… writing about you with the hope that the letters and words take away the pain in my heart.
I remember the times when we were still together. I remember rainy nights of driving amidst a heavy traffic jam. I remember calm afternoons of driving towards the sunset. I remember our disagreements about one-way love and emotional strength, with me always debunking and telling you that you are stronger than what you think of yourself. I remember kissing you “good morning” and “good night.” I remember holding your right hand tightly when you feel down and lonely.
I remember telling you all the travels I did and convincing you for us to go on a road trip. But you told me you were scared. So we did not proceed with our travel overseas because I did not want to put you on the edge. And I remember learning that you had a travel with one of your friends. I remember realising that you must have gained strength. How lucky your friend was. I wished I was with you on your first travel because I wanted that piece of happiness. That piece of memory.
Oh God, I wanted forever. But you gave me the last chapter, the last statement, the last word.
I did try to move on, to get away from your memory. I did try to pick-up the pieces of my life prior to meeting you. I went back to traveling to near and faraway places. I did not mind the danger. I tried to find the fun in everything. But I ended up buying your favourite drink in one of the places we spent our Saturdays. I decided to go home and watch my favourite tearjerker films with the darkness, my towel on the side and my blanket wrapped around my body and my pillow.
That day of waking up not thinking about you is already at the horizon. I know it’s just a matter of taking the first step and steadily striving harder to get to it. I know there will be a day when I can consider again sunrise as the happiest time of the day. I know there will come a time when I can hold again somebody’s hand while whispering “I love you.”
But for now, I’m gonna wear my heartbreak proud.
(Image credit: Andrea Vallar)
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