Quality Aging

Aging has never been more relevant to me than now that I am in my thirties. Twenty years ago, I never pictured this chapter of my life as colourful as now from valuable lessons, painful experiences, and happy moments.

According to National Scientist Gelia Castillo, aging strikes those in government power the hardest. I agree! If you are a director now or holds a high position in the government service, then you are most likely not to age gracefully. When you decide to retire at the age of 65, the first symptoms of not aging gracefully includes anxiety, restlessness, and sudden boredom. A day after your last day at the office, you suddenly realise the sudden slowing down of your life. You no longer need to rush. You do not need to take a bath early. You do not need to pump up the adrenaline at six in the morning. This first retirement day syndrome is, of course, not true to everybody.

People with well-established emotional and social support from family, relatives, and friends would likely not feel sad having more me-time and spending a Thursday morning with cousins.

The working class has a daily routine of home-work-home with occasional inserts made up of booze and out of town trips. The workers, or people from this class, have eyes only for their salaries and bills they need to pay at the end of the month. They have goals of saving money for the enrollment of their children. Have you tried asking the workers how many times in a year they go out for a camping or trekking or simply going out of town? Do you find an answer like “yes, we have an annual trip to Batangas” funny? Or do you feel sad that they do not realise working hard everyday for nothing? That they just work and work and work until they are no longer fit for a hike to the summit of Mount Guiting-Guiting.

You cannot totally blame the working class for not reaping the fruits of their hardwork. Their supervisors or bosses expect them to work on weekends and holidays. Do you think you can enjoy swimming in the waters of Boracay if you know you have a report to submit at 8am on the day you get back to work?

These bosses, if they are not careful on how they treat their subordinates during the last leg of their career, would likely to fall deep into the bog of sadness and anxiety. They will experience difficulty in adjusting from a fast-paced lifestyle to a laid-back, calm state. They will suddenly feel that no one is always available to give the things they need, like in an office where they have staff for almost all kinds of task.

Aging gracefully is like enjoying the Earth for a bit longer. If you would like to experience it, start respecting after-office hours, weekends, and holidays now. We feel happier knowing we can take a rest and spend quality time with our loved ones even for just two days a week.

Take a rest. Age gracefully. And be happy.

Happier Now

The fireworks have exited. Who knows how many faces lit from the sight of the colours? Who knows how many hearts jumped from excitement? Mine did, even for just the thought of the exploding hues.

Four months ago, it was a different story. I was a mess. Because of the ruined doorknob. Because of the busted lamp outside of my house. Because of someone who keeps on spreading rumours about everything and everyone. Because you can’t love me. Because you said that five days after you said you are ready to take chance with me. Because I lost in the game of love.

Now that the new year has etched its presence in everyone’s mind, the story has also changed. Life has pulled the pin of changing. Its old self exploded. I did change, too. Well, in some aspects. The lamp is no longer busted. It has become brighter. The knob has been changed. The rumourmonger is still there, only at the bottom of everybody’s list. You also can’t still love me and I am still sad over it. But I have become stronger to face your shadow.

I am happier now. I believe that you are the memory I need to keep and remind me that life, indeed, is worth living for. I believe that the thought of you can push me everyday to strive harder, achieve my dreams, eventually become a better person… and in the end, be the best person for someone.

I’m Sorry

Your friends told you to never let me go. That, perhaps, I was the one you have always been waiting for. At first, I thought what we had was just an ordinary thing, like how the sun rises in the east every morning. I did not believe in myself, that I was capable of loving you. But somewhere along the road, as we shared more happy times and intimate memories, I fell in love with you. Everything around you turned to red. And I grew crazy, thinking of ways to make time turn faster, just to be with you after work.

Being with you, taught me how to depend on somebody. I learned, for the first time, how it felt to long for someone. That all those times we were apart, I was insanely missing you. But what amazed me the most, was that for the first time, I felt complete. I happily turned the pages of my life with a contented smile. My mornings were filled with thoughts of you. And when I slept, I had the same feeling of happiness, because I knew, that my dreams would be filled with thoughts of you.

You made me whole.

My love for you grew, with such speed and tenacity, that from a non-existent level, it quickly transformed into such a love, that made me feel that I can’t live a day without you. You brought me to new places, showed me new things, and defined love for me.

But, like the fall of the Roman Empire, what we had was destined to be crushed to the ground. While my love was flying up in the sky, your love proceeded to the opposite direction, slowly plummeting into a bottomless abyss. I knew, in my heart, I did something wrong along the way. And it still hurts to think, that I failed to meet your expectations −how I disappointed you.

I’m sorry for all the things that I fell short of. I had shortcomings. I should have been easier to read, more vocal of my insecurities. I shouldn’t have let jealousy overpowered me. I should have said “I love you” during those times you needed my reassurance the most. I’m sorry for my weakness, that I did not stay strong, like how you wanted me to.

Now that you are happy with someone else, I want to say goodbye to us. I love you, with every fiber of my being,  but I don’t want to hold my hopes high for a life with you. That vision of us I had before, is now a faraway, fuzzy dream, a dim and flickering hope, destined to fade away into ash. I know that dark days are now on cue. And that depression is on the line for me again. But it’s okay, I will try to get through the pain and move on, no matter how long the healing will take.

(Thank you, Rod Calzado Jr, for editing the article.) Photo taken at the topmost porch of the Shwesandaw Temple in Bagan, Myanmar.

A Thing Called Happiness

Sometimes, happiness is such a big word. You do not know how to encase it with human strength, even if heartful support is just around the corner. Sharing it with somebody else is a different story, and far more superior.

Happiness could pole-vault you over mountains. No matter how high, or how steep the slopes may be, climbing any height is easier with happiness. However, getting stable emotions associated with happiness is sometimes risky. Once you drop the wrong step, it might erode smiles and laughter. You actually could be driven to the ravine of depression.

Sadness after happiness is a ten-fold intensified emotion, because you are not guarded with strong feelings. If not handled properly, you would not notice that the path you are already taking is towards death.