I’m Sorry

Your friends told you to never let me go. That, perhaps, I was the one you have always been waiting for. At first, I thought what we had was just an ordinary thing, like how the sun rises in the east every morning. I did not believe in myself, that I was capable of loving you. But somewhere along the road, as we shared more happy times and intimate memories, I fell in love with you. Everything around you turned to red. And I grew crazy, thinking of ways to make time turn faster, just to be with you after work.

Being with you, taught me how to depend on somebody. I learned, for the first time, how it felt to long for someone. That all those times we were apart, I was insanely missing you. But what amazed me the most, was that for the first time, I felt complete. I happily turned the pages of my life with a contented smile. My mornings were filled with thoughts of you. And when I slept, I had the same feeling of happiness, because I knew, that my dreams would be filled with thoughts of you.

You made me whole.

My love for you grew, with such speed and tenacity, that from a non-existent level, it quickly transformed into such a love, that made me feel that I can’t live a day without you. You brought me to new places, showed me new things, and defined love for me.

But, like the fall of the Roman Empire, what we had was destined to be crushed to the ground. While my love was flying up in the sky, your love proceeded to the opposite direction, slowly plummeting into a bottomless abyss. I knew, in my heart, I did something wrong along the way. And it still hurts to think, that I failed to meet your expectations −how I disappointed you.

I’m sorry for all the things that I fell short of. I had shortcomings. I should have been easier to read, more vocal of my insecurities. I shouldn’t have let jealousy overpowered me. I should have said “I love you” during those times you needed my reassurance the most. I’m sorry for my weakness, that I did not stay strong, like how you wanted me to.

Now that you are happy with someone else, I want to say goodbye to us. I love you, with every fiber of my being,  but I don’t want to hold my hopes high for a life with you. That vision of us I had before, is now a faraway, fuzzy dream, a dim and flickering hope, destined to fade away into ash. I know that dark days are now on cue. And that depression is on the line for me again. But it’s okay, I will try to get through the pain and move on, no matter how long the healing will take.

(Thank you, Rod Calzado Jr, for editing the article.) Photo taken at the topmost porch of the Shwesandaw Temple in Bagan, Myanmar.